Transitions in Marriage

        Is it Halloween already?!  Holy cow this year is flying by.  It never fails to surprise me how quick time really does pass.  Amidst all the spooks and scares this week, my class kept chugging along with the message of families and their roles in society.  This week we talked about transitions in marriage.  It was a really important message and concept that I think everyone needs to hear and understand, especially with the rates of divorce we have in our society.  Hopefully I am able to help clarify understanding on this topic, if not that, at least spark some interest to learn more about it.  This topic is vital for every single one of us to understand and apply in our individual lives and marriages.  Doing so would most definitely help us all to be better people, enabling us to lift our marriages to higher places than wherever they may currently sit.

You may or may not be familiar with the term “transitions in marriage.”  Even if you have not heard about it, it is self-explanatory.  I am sure that all married couples (no matter how good or bad your marriage is or has been) have enjoyed a phase, most likely early in the civil relationship, that everything was a just fairytale.  Stuff was just working out for you guys.  You were happy, life was treating you right, and to top it all off, you were madly in love with your spouse (remember, I am single, so I only kind of know what I am talking about 😅).  That phase though, I do know, did come to an end for you, and if it has not yet happened, you just wait.  Now I am not saying that everything is going to be terrible, that life and marriage is just going to become the worst thing ever making you question all your major life decisions.  That is not what I am saying at all.  What I am saying is that it will definitely get difficult at one point or another, maybe even (actually probably) more difficult than you were anticipating it to be.  Why is this? What happened?  It’s called a transition.  We all have them in our lives.  It is simply change to circumstances that we need to adapt to.  These circumstances can be in any aspect of our lives, but for the sake of today, I am going to focus on changes within our marital relationships. 

These changes could include, new job, new friends, new environment, realizing that living with someone means you see their worst, etc.  The list goes on and on.  However, I think the most important change that happens in any marriage (if they decide to go this route) is more unexpected than that small list I composed.  Did you know that when couples do divorce, it is statistically most likely to happen within the first 2-5 years of marriage?  Do you have any idea’s why that is?  Well I will tell you that it has a direct correlation on when those little devils (children) start making appearances in the home. 

Growing up, I always thought that bringing children into this world would be one of the most beautiful experiences that will strengthen me and my future wife’s relationship more than anything.  Now don’t get me wrong, that will happen for sure.  However, it was interesting to learn that many people (mostly the husbands) often feel “left out” or “replaced” because of the wife’s (very much required) attention to the baby.  This attention is biologically significant.  I’m not implying that wives need to spend less time with their newborn children, but that it is simply a transition in the lives of a married couple.  These feelings of neglect a husband may feel in this situation can make him pull away, very slowly mind you.  He may not even realize it is happening.  He may want to spend more time at work, with friends, watching the game, or just staying preoccupied since he, in his eyes, not as high of a priority in his wife’s eyes.  This my friends is obviously the wrong way to handle the situation.  A married couple is a team, that together, will raise a family in a loving a caring atmosphere. 

I found it interesting, that during this time when it seems that the husband and wife may be drawing away, they are actually closer than they have ever been.  Studies have been done that show that on paper, through the use of surveys, priorities and standards are more inline within couples while they have a child than ever before.  Whether or not they may feel it, a healthy married couple will be united in purpose with the presence of children.  It is simply a change in their lives.  One that is absolutely necessary.

Let us not be afraid of change.  It is an opportunity to learn and grow.  If anything, like in the case of having children, it will help us to strengthen our relationships, causing them to be more in line then they ever have been in the first place.  So don’t give up when it doesn’t seem to be working out.  Keep fighting for your relationships whatever the situation may be, and I promise it will be worth it.