Common Family Theories

Hey everyone! I hope your week has been absolutely fantastic! Here I am again just blogging away my deepest secrets.  Its been an interesting week in my family relations class.  Not in the sense of popular topics, but more so about how families interact within themselves, and all the subconscious roles/actions that happen without being noticed.  As you can tell from the title, we spoke about popular family theories.  It was quite interesting learning about the “behind the scenes” of families.  Here’s some of the notes/points that we discussed.

 

Exchange Theory

Exchange Theory is essentially about when someone puts out lower effort than the rewards they expect.  This does not mean that they are intentionally withholding effort within the family, but that they are keeping themselves reserved.  They fear putting out more than they will get in return.  Obviously, this is not the healthiest family relationship, but I think it may be more common than we may expect.  For example, if someone were to say, “If I cook, will you do the dishes?” (Knowing that the dishes may be extra brutal after this specific meal) That is a very watered-down example, but the principle is essentially the same.

Conflict Theory

Conflict Theory is another incredibly common position to be in, but in my opinion, a safer one than exchange theory.  Conflict theory is essentially when couples/families have disagreements.  For example, if you wanted to hike, but your significant other/family member wanted to stay in.  A healthy relationship confronts these moments.  They accept them for what they are and come to a conclusion.  However, many people like to hide from conflict, shielding themselves from the opportunity to overcome a difficult situation, ultimately weakening their relationship.  I truly believe that since we all have to deal with trials in this life, we might as well face them head on, which helps us grow closer together as families and couples.

Symbolic Interaction Theory

This one was really interesting for me, probably because I have noticed myself in this position many times.  This theory is essentially about misunderstandings.  For example, an experience was shared in class where the husband in this marriage was doing the dishes to help his wife, to simply serve and support her.  However, she saw it as a non-verbal statement from him saying that she is a slob and that he feels like he needs to clean up after her.  Even though this was not what he meant (he said that he simply enjoyed doing dishes AND helping his wife) it is how it came across.  How often do we fall into this trap?  How often do we assume one thing when another is meant (either positive or negative)?  I invite you all to strive to see the actions of others from their own perspective.  Doing this will most definitely help us all strengthen our relationships with those around us.

Family Systems Theory

We spent the most time on this theory in class.  It is essentially about the unspoken rules and roles in a family.  For example, one member of the family took up the role of being the mediator without being told to do so.  This is called a homeostatic mechanism, when something in the family is not functioning properly, so someone steps in to fix it.  When the role is confirmed and accepted (positive feedback) then they will continue to behave in that manner.  However, if the role is rejected (negative feedback) then the member of the family will begin to stop acting in this way.

 

This was a pretty broad and quick overview of the week.  We went much more in depth in class with roleplay, documents, discussions etc. but I could never really fully express that in a short blog, so this is what you have.  Hope you all learned at least a little bit.  I encourage you to look into your own relationships and see where you fall into place with your family.  I was pretty surprised when I did this so I am sure you will fell the same way.